“When I’m Gone…” Alexander Fidler of Theatre Romance

From the first track we feel the surface tension created by Alex Fidler’s rising and falling guitars. Written from a very vulnerable place  this ocean permeates ones psyche; finding the cracks in our walls and permeating our emotional core. Though a seemingly dark album, there is a solitude behind it that reminds us that we are all humans in this world, trying to figure out our place. Not shying away from this heaviness is what brings such honestly to Alex’s music, and allows one to connect to it on an ethereal level.

Merigold Independent: Would you mind sharing the story behind ‘When I’m Gone…’?

Alex Fidler: ‘When I’m Gone…’ began from a Haiku that I wrote earlier this year. I feel it’s best to be honest and I won’t sugar-coat the fact that I wrote this in a place of complete hopelessness. I have no idea how to love myself most of the time. The music for this album came together from the idea that I wanted to put music to my Haiku, and that the music would be one, continuous piece. From there, I was able to write and record the music over the course of one night.

MI: What inspires you to write? Are there any specific moments that you feel the muse particularly strikes?

AF: My writing is mostly inspired by the need to get my feelings out and music is the most natural way for me to express that. There are other times where I may think of a melody and will actually hum it into my voice memos on my phone to remember it later or will be listening to another album and get inspired to record. I find that I’m most inspired to record after seeing another artist perform live. But the ideas are usually formed from what I’m feeling at that moment in time. 

MI: How have you felt your music has evolved for this album? 

AF: I feel that my music is becoming more mature as I’m learning more about production and get more familiar with my gear. I guess that happens naturally when you have something you love to do and the depth of that hobby seems neverending. For me, ambient music is less about song structure and more about sound sculpting. Experimenting with new sounds on my pedalboard and different pedal combinations has definitely helped my music stay fresh and interesting to me.

MI: This album, being part of a Haiku, feel very coherent as the track transitions are next to imperceptible, creating an almost continuous piece. Do you feel the poems you write usually flow as hand-in-hand with your music as on this album?

AF: To be honest, I don’t write poems all too often, so I won’t pretend to be an expert, but I feel that poems and music are almost inseparable. Even though I may not perform vocals very often in my songs, a lot of the music I write stems from a poem or phrase I wrote. For this album, I knew that I wanted to use the Haiku I wrote as the tracklist. It felt natural to do this and I can see myself doing another release like this in the future.

MI: What thought, or feeling, do you hope your listeners take away from your music?

AF: I know that my music can sound pretty depressing and not very uplifting, but I still want the listener to feel peace from my music. Making music with positive, carefree themes is fine and definitely has a place. But I want to write what I feel and for me, listening to melancholic music helps because it reminds you that others share your feelings. I think helping people feel less alone is important and I just want people to remember that when they listen to my music. It’s okay to feel the way that you do. That may sound cliché but that is what I want my listeners to take from my songs.

Download the album or purchase on limited edition CD-R here:

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